Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. And over the course of the day my mind was filled with lots of scrambled thoughts, but I wanted to write them down so that I wouldn't forget them later.

My mother was an AMAZING mother!! I always brag about her to everyone I meet. In my eyes growing up, she was perfect. She always made fabulous homemade meals...I can even remember her making her own noodles. She made all of our Halloween costumes. I remember seeing her reading her scriptures every morning as a left for school. The house was spotless. She served others. She stood by my dad with perfect poise...they were a team in everything they did! I could go on and on, but really, everything I remember about her and growing up was perfect.

As time went on and I lost the teenager attitude where I thought I knew more than my parents...I learned to lean on my mother more and more. Now, at age 29, she is my best friend. We don't see eye to eye on everything. But we don't have to. We respect each other's opinions, and love each other unconditionally. I know that she will always be there for me. She is an amazing listener...trust me...my other sisters call her everyday for hours and she just sits and listens to them complain about life's demands.

I can't say enough good things...and soon, she will be my neighbor. My parents bought a house 2 blocks from Brandon and I, and they will be moving to Arizona shortly. I feel so blessed to have them close by, but also to live closer to some of my other siblings who are out west too. It will be a blast!

Now...to me. I am REALLY hard on myself as a mom. Years ago I had a sibling tell me that I wasn't a good mom. I have never forgotten it. It cut me to the core more than any other words that have been said to me. Because if I am not a good mom, what am I? I may not be perfect, but I feel like I am always trying. The thing is, could I try harder? Couldn't we all try a little harder?

I find myself focusing on a clean house, home cooked meals, good relationships, and the gospel. But I wonder if there are times where my kids go to sleep thinking that I don't love them? Do they wonder if their needs come first? Do I take the time DAILY to tell each one of my kids that I love them? Do I hug them and kiss them daily? I feel like I do, but if there is one thing I want them to remember about me as a mother when they get older is...I want them to always know that they came first and that I loved them. Not that the house was clean, or their Thanksgiving day pie was homemade. But just that they were overwhelmingly loved by their mother.

That's what I felt from my mom.

I never felt unloved.

I remember my mom telling me daily that she loved me. She was affectionate. She was kind. And she rarely raised her voice. She always told me that I was beautiful.  Do I do the same for my kids?

I can only hope so.

So, as I reflect about mother's day, all I can really say is that I am grateful for my mother and the example that she set for me. And I can only hope to be as great as a mom as she was.

My friend Sarah taught me a great lesson...she said that yes, we should be good housekeepers, good cooks, good at the day to day chores, etc. But our primary responsibility should ultimately be to be FABULOUS mothers! She was right.

Today, I will work harder at putting down the broom, and just holding my kids more. Telling them just how much I love them. Snuggling them more. And kissing them more. After all, they won't remember a clean house. But at least they will remember they were loved. And that is something that I never want them to doubt!

On a side note, I spent my mother's day home from church, and stuck in the house with a sick baby girl. Ashlyn woke up yesterday really sick, and at one point had a fever of 102.9! It was really nice for all of us to sleep in...the kid's even woke me up by getting me breakfast in bed and homemade Mother's Day cards! Throughout the day we just watched WAY too much TV, and snuggled on the couch. It was stress free. Easy-going. And no one argued. Nice. Plus, inbetween snuggles, I got a LOT packing done! My house looks like a disaster (because I did no cleaning all day), but my kids went to bed last night hopefully feeling loved. And that is all that matters.

And to top it off, Brandon mailed me a Mother's Day card. He knows I love getting mail. He's so perfect for me. Love that man! I didn't even have to drop a single hint. He just did it. Less than 7 weeks till we are married!

Okay, there's all my random thoughts.