Trying to Do Better

My old blog...the one I had before the divorce...the one that I am still morning over losing...had a post from me nearly everyday! I was so good about posting. It was mostly about the kids, but there were also quite a few ramblings from me..my thoughts, my opinions...you get the picture.

Well, over the last several months I have been working nights (which is when I used to spend the majority of my time blogging), catching up on sleep, starting a new relationship, and doing the whole single mom thing...these things combined have left little to no time to blog...it has/had become low on the priority list.

Well, enough is enough! It's time I get back to journaling...yes, this is my journal, public as it may be! I feel like I have missed saying so much!

So, in effort to write more frequently, I am going to try to post daily. Yeah, I know. We'll see how long this last!

But nevertheless, here it goes!

So, today's post...

Brutally honest as it may be...

I am scared to death to get married!!! Well, not really to get married, more just scared to have someone see me naked again! AHHH! I am literally consumed with thinking about this!!

When I got married the first time, I was 143lbs, and I had hardly no stretch marks, my boobs were perky, I had long blond hair, and my thighs didn't touch when I walked! Yeah, I had a rockin' body! Too bad I didn't appreciate it, or realize it till lately! Although I was 17, so who doesn't look good at 17??

Now, here I am, 29 years old, three kids later, a 156lbs and a size 10. My boobs can practically be tucked into my pants when I put them on, and my stretch marks...well they go from the back of my knees all the way to my neck...literally. I will spare you the proof.

Well, what kind of a present am I for poor Brandon?? He will see me naked and think 'this is what I have been looking forward to for 33 years!!'

Poor guy! Well, at least I can't be compared to anyone. The upside of being Mormon and waiting until marriage.

So, now I am a little over two months away from getting married. I am frantically dieting.....in a healthy fashion, and I am growing my hair out, tanning, getting my nails done. And all for what? So that I can be fake, and a month after the wedding when the tan has worn off, and the stretch marks are starting to show, have him say, "what the heck?? This isn't what I married!?"

URG! I know every girl goes through this...but still!! I never thought I would have to go through this...again...kind of...long story.

Anyways, wish me luck, I have 70 some odd days to get toned, tan, and get my boobs perky...okay the last one might be impossible! But a girl can dream, right? :)

If all else fails...I can dim the lights...nothing like some dim lights to keep him in the mood! haha :)